There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
