If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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