Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
