I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize