Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
