We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
