Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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