He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found your dick twin last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
