Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
