I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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