It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
