Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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