we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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