Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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