I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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