im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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