hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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