i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
