a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
