You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
