apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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