He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
