Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
