So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
