I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just gift wrapped bread.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
