I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
