How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize