I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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