On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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