just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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