He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
