Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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