Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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