I cockslap morals
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
