I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
