He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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