i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
