i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
