Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
