on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
