lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
