I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
