oh god the rape fog is back!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
