Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
