Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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