Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
