the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
