My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize