Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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