there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
