I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't notice because vodka
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
