he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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