it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
