well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
