Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
