ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she peed on how many people?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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