please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk is not a location!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
