hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize