i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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