I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
