i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
