I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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