so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
