new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize