If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's blow job season.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
