okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
