hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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